Three totally unrelated yet very funny things, because we could all use a laugh. 🙂
The Cure for Anything
is salt water – sweat, tears, or the sea
Category Ha!
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A Winter Poem
Not my usual Tuesday poetry (I need to get back on track) but this made me laugh and it’s perfect for this week.
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Sugar and Spice
Ha! That is pretty much me! Better than the original nursery rhyme:
What are little boys made of?
What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails,
And puppy-dogs’ tails;
That’s what little boys are made of.What are little girls made of?
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice,
And all that’s nice;
That’s what little girls are made of.A lot of nursery rhymes are pretty messed up when you stop to think about it.
Ring around the rosy
A pocketful of posies
“Ashes, Ashes”
We all fall down!This rhyme comes from the Great Plague of London. The symptoms of bubonic plague included a rosy red ring-shaped rash, which inspired the first line. It was believed that the disease was carried by bad smells, so people frequently carried pockets full of fresh herbs, or “posies.” The “ashes, ashes” line is believed to refer to the cremation of the bodies of those who died from the plague.
Rock-a-bye, baby,
In the tree top.
When the wind blows,
The cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks,
The cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, Cradle and allWhy is a song about a baby falling out of a tree supposed to be a restful lullaby?
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Tasty Lunches and Other Good Things
Oh my goodness, I literally laughed out loud when I watched this. It’s funny because it’s true. 😊 This video also reminded me of why guys don’t wear leggings to work out –it would be quite risqué!
I just switched back to my previous strength style weightlifting routines vs. the pure hypertrophy bodybuilding style workouts I’ve been doing for the past four months. I have to admit that I’ve been enjoying the lighter weight/higher rep routines. I think I’ll work those back into rotation more often. So far, I haven’t noticed that I’ve lost much strength though, which is good!
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☀️
Haha! This is so me. Earlier this week the front of my Apple Watch became loose, so it had to be sent in to Apple. My son was nice enough to drop it off at the Apple Store and two days later, I had a new watch. Apparently, the battery was “swollen” and pushed the face off. I’m not sure how a lithium ion battery swells, but I’d rather not have it explode or catch on fire. Say what you will about Apple, they have amazing customer service. The watch wasn’t under warranty anymore, but they replaced it free of charge.
Anyhow, I wear my watch all of the time (except when sleeping) and I’ve been doing a lot of riding lately, so I actually have a tan. Well, sort of a tan. Tan for me. 😉 Several people commented on my tan line from where my watch usually is on my wrist.
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Let’s Taco Bout It 😂
This shirt was meant for me! -
Breakfast of Champions
Doesn’t this chia pudding look delicious for breakfast this morning? 😊
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I Can’t Put My Arms Down
I felt just like Randy from the movie A Christmas Story this morning. Too. Many. Layers.
That’s one thing I really dislike about winter– clothes. 😉 However, I dislike being cold even more than I dislike clothes.
This movie always makes me laugh. Plus, it’s set in northern Indiana in the 1940s, so it’s very reminiscent of my parents’ childhood. My dad loves to tell me the story of his childhood Christmases, and how he and his three brothers would get just oranges and mittens for presents. A few years ago I read a hilarious book by Havel Kimmel, who also happened to grow up in Indiana. In the book, she wrote this about her father:
“all men of a certain age tell this story, and they give themselves away by always using the same fruit. I have yet to meet the father who will look his child in the eye and say, “I was happy just to get some seedless grapes.” But”
― Haven Kimmel, A Girl Named Zippy -
Next
Yep, that’s me. I tend to get hangry, so I eat often. I always have a stash of food at work, for just such emergencies. My son laughs at me when he sees how much food I carry to work each day for my second breakfast, my snacks, and my lunch. Hey, you’ve got to be prepared!
Ive been trying to add more plant-based meals into my rotation, and I’ve recently found this recipe. It’s perfect for the hot days of summer.
Ensalada Azteca
2 15-ounce cans black beans, drained and rinsed (or homemade)
2 cups cooked quinoa or brown rice
½ cup finely chopped red onion
1 green bell pepper, diced. (I used yellow and red peppers, because that’s what I had)
1 large tomato, diced
1 large avocado, diced
2 cups frozen corn, thawed
½ cup mangos, diced
1 jalapeño, finely diced
¾ cup fresh cilantro, chopped
For the Dressing⅓ cup unseasoned rice vinegar
2 Tbsp lime juice
½ cup mangos, diced
¼ cup agave
½ tsp grated ginger
Sea salt to tasteCombine beans, rice (or quinoa), onion, pepper, tomato, avocado, corn, mangos, jalapeño, and cilantro in a large salad bowl.
In a food processor, place vinegar, lime, mangos, agave and ginger. Process until smooth.
Pour dressing over salad. Toss gently to mix. Season with salt.My other new summer obsession is Teavana tea. I think this was Golden Monkey (whatever that means).
I love early summer mornings, the golden quality of the light, and the way everything is so quiet and calm.
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Cleaning
So my has informed me that we are both freakishly nest and clean. I wouldn’t go that far, but I’d say I’m on the neater side of the spectrum. I don’t like clutter and I can’t abide un-fresh sheets or towels. Now that I have a small home, fewer clothes and fewer possessions overall, it is very quick and easy to clean. I’m a do a little bit each day kind of person. I learned to be very efficient when I was a single mom with a full time job and a large house. In comparison, this is a breeze. Once a week I do a deep clean where I mop all my hardwood floors, etc. I pour myself a glass of wine and crank up the music. May as well have fun, right?
It’s kind of like that, except I don’t dance as well. Okay, anywhere near as well. But I still have fun. I mean, how can anyone not want to dance to this kind of thing:
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Gym Wildlife
Its fair to say that I spend a lot of time in the gym. I just pulled my stats for 2015, and last year I spent 365 hours just lifting weights. It’s also fair to say that I see some very interesting things in those hours. That’s probably why this video made me laugh so hard.
I for one am ready for all the New Years resolution people to go back to wherever they came from and stop coming to the gym. If I have one more woman ask me if I’m afraid of getting too big from lifting weights, I’m going to scream.
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Two Things
This pretty much looked like me when I went out today. Either winter’s not for me, or I’m not made for winter. I need a vacation. On a beach. A beach with warm sunshine. That’s all I ask. Okay, some books to read would be nice too. And tacos. I have been craving tacos lately. Lately, as in the last 20 years or so. 😉
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Monday
Okay, those aren’t the only reasons, but they’re two good ones. There’s a guy who works at my gym and he’s in a wheelchair. This weekend he asked me why I’m always working out so hard. I told him that since God gave me a body that, overall, works pretty well, the least I can do is hold up my end of the bargain and take good care of it. He said that was the best answer he’d ever heard to that question. Also, I like to eat. 😉
My son came over Saturday morning. He usually does his laundry and the we go out to lunch together. This weekend his allergies were making him miserable, so he asked if we could stay in and make “that egg thing”. I said, ” Oh, chilaquiles?” Just to mess with him. He hates chilaquiles. He said, “No, that delicious omelette thing”. To him, everything that made out of eggs is an omelette. It’s actually a frittata. I love that I raised him to be independent enough to show up with all the necessary ingredients. Plus, he knows there’s no way I have bacon in my house. 😉 So we made the frittata together. He peeled the potatoes while I diced the other veggies. I’m a firm believer that everyone should know the basics of cooking a simple meal. When it was ready, we sat down to eat and I inhaled my first piece. I asked him if he wanted another piece and he said he was good. It was then that I realized that I eat more than my son. My son who is 6’2″ and 205 pounds. Yikes!
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Moments
That awkward moment when you walk in front of your window in your underwear only to find a construction worker, who is digging up a dead plant, staring right at you from no more a few feet away. We may have exchanged awkward waves. I just laughed and went on about my business. I don’t take myself too seriously. Above all, life has taught me how important it is to laugh at myself.
When my son was about three years-old he loved the sandbox. My dad had built a huge one for him at their house. One weekend we were visiting them, and my parents had made a big breakfast for all of us. (My family loves breakfast!) Ian ate his breakfast and wanted to go outside to play in his sandbox but he was still in his pajamas. My mom told him that he couldn’t go outside in his pjs. He proceeded to strip off all of his clothes and bolted for the door. My mom just shook her head and said, “He is definitely your son, Lisa.” Yep, that’s my boy alright.
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Eye Color, Popcorn, and My Friday Night
I had some work to do last night so I booted up my laptop and turned on a movie. Sometimes I like to have on a favorite movie in the background as I work. I’m one of those people who can watch a movie I love over and over again. Last night it was me, my MacBook, a glass of wine, a huge bowl of popcorn, and Javier Bardem. Okay, it was actually the movie Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I treated myself to a copy of it on BluRay because it’s no longer on streaming. The first few times I watched it, I couldn’t figure out what Penelope Cruz meant when she said “her eyes aren’t one color”. I was thinking of heterochromia, where a person has two different colored eyes. But then I realized that blue or green eyes are often made up many different colors. My own eyes are green, but the outer ring of the iris is blue and the rest is flecked with gold.
It’s a bit like reading Pablo Neruda’s poetry when I was younger and not being able to understand why he described someone’s nipples as purple in color. Because of my extremely WASP-y childhood, I had no idea what a person of color looked like. I’ll explain that someday. But I digress.
I absolutely love popcorn. We had it all of the time when I was a kid. I’m not a fan of that microwave popcorn crap. I have an air popper, but my dad always make it on the stove top, or if we were really lucky, over a campfire in the backyard. Have you ever seen Amy Schumer describe how she eats popcorn?
Stage one: Denial. People do not want to admit to themselves that they’re about to obliterate any bag of junk food. Instead, they pretend they’ll “just have a little.” Then, she shows us the hesitant, one-kernel-at-a-time approach.
Stage two: Acceptance. Here you get “real real,” as Amy puts it. “I’ve split my lip trying to get one more kernel”.
She also recounts the struggles of the movie date: First, you have to pretend the thought of purchasing popcorn at a movie theater has never before crossed your mind. Next, you fake like a small popcorn is enough to satisfy anyone over the age of six. “That’s like taking one Advil,” Amy says. “Like, get out of here. I want a trough and I want to dunk my head in it.”
That last part is definitely not me. I’m the first one in line to buy popcorn and it’s certainly not a small! Last night I had popcorn all over my sofa, on the rug, and halfway to the kitchen all over the floor. Mostly because I was shoveling in with two hands. Dainty I am not.
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Floss Like a Boss
Meredith, Matt, Lisa
A fun day was had by all! I am (by far) the oldest one of our team, but I almost had to carry my boss across the finish line. I was nice and didn’t leave him in the dust because I know he didn’t want to run alone. But when he said that he could really uses a cigarette as we neared the finish line, I was re-thinking that choice. I just told him to suck it up, buttercup. 🙂
The rain held off until after we had finished and Meredith had Champagne for us post-race. I like the way she thinks!
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The F Word
Yay for Friday! It’s been a long, strange week. For example: I fried the hell out of my right eye. During allergy season, I use a contact lens solution that’s made of hydrogen peroxide. After soaking all night, it’s neutralized. However, yesterday morning, in my extremely groggy state, I grabbed the wrong bottle and proceeded to rinse my right contact with the hydrogen peroxide. As soon as the lens hit my eye, I knew something was terribly wrong. Holy mother of God, it burned so much. I couldn’t get the contact out of my eye fast enough. I have a high pain tolerance, but this was bad. Even worse than the times I cut jalapeño peppers and then removed my contacts. Just FYI, soap alone does not remove the jalapeño oil from your hands. I then decided that I needed to wash out my eye to stop the burning pain. But, instead of grabbing the saline solution, I picked up the hydrogen peroxide stuff again and proceeded to douse my already excruciating eye with it. I may have uttered the other F word at this point. Okay, I did. Several times. Then I dropped to my knees and curled into a ball of writhing pain on the bathroom floor. I believe this is what my son would refer to as a blonde moment. And this morning I stood next to what I thought was my car, clicking the key. It wouldn’t open. Then I realized that it was my neighbor’s BWM, not mine. I can’t even blame lack of vision on that one. 😉
So, I’m in need of some quiet time to recharge. Instead of going out tonight, I opted to stay in. I went to the local market to buy flowers for my patio (finally!) and they also had fresh local strawberries. They smelled so good, I couldn’t resist. They are delicious and taste like the berries I remember eating as a child.
I have to get up early tomorrow morning because I’m doing a charity 5K run for oral cancer with my co-workers. The only place I want go be on a Saturday morning is in my bed. And the only thing I want to hear at that hour is, “would you like me to make the coffee this morning, baby?” Is there anything better than being brought a cup of coffee in bed? I swear, I’d marry the first man who did that for me. (Preferably not at 7:30 a.m., though. 😉 )
But I digress. Charity 5K run, and then they all want go go out to brunch. I’m on to them though, I know “brunch” is code for “we’re going to drink Bloody Marys”. I’m good with that.And this is how I walked out of work today:
I loved watching Soul Train in the 70s and 80s. Every Saturday morning my big sister and I would suffer through boring American Bandstand first. About that time, our dad would come in and tell us to turn off the TV. As soon as he went outside to cut the lawn, we’d turn it back on. In the winter, we’d have to settle with sneaking off to our bedroom and watching it on the little black and white TV we had in our bedroom. I could get sucked into watching clips of all those great Soul Train line dances.
