The Cure for Anything

Civil War {To those who need it the most}

I do not love you for your

strength and grit, for your set jaw,

for the harsh cartography of your knuckled fist.

I do not love you for your

sharp corners.

I rub your tensed wrist like

a pliant mouth, I wait for spread

fingers and vulnerable palm:

a hollow nest to dream in.

I want the hurt you soothe like an

ulcer in your mouth, your nighttime terror

your raw-eyed vulnerability:

these un-armored parts which

are mine alone.

Darling you are not at war.

Slow down, breathe deep, drop your guard.

No one is chasing you but me.

-Joanna Joseph

I definitely understand the idea of a civil war, i.e., being at war with oneself.  I’ve fought the old battle of head vs. heart quite a lot lately.  I’m not sure which one will win, but I do know that it’s been giving me grief.  I wake up in the middle of the night doing a sort of battle with myself.  Sometimes your head knows what you should do, but your heart doesn’t like it.  I’m trying my best to reconcile the two.  I’d like to hope that there is a middle ground, shades of gray, not an all or nothing thing.  What I do know is that something is going to have to change.  I like the idea of “change your brain, change your life”, but sometimes it’s your life that has to change.

Our head is where analysis, logic, thoughts and that crazy monkey mind resides. It’s where we think through things, review those pros and cons lists. It’s also where fear resides. The monkey mind likes to disguise fear as “rational thinking.” It comes up with all the reasons to stay in our safe comfort zone. It fears change so it explains why your proposed change isn’t in your best interest.

Our heart is where our intuition lies. It’s the source of that little voice that guides us, if we let it. Our heart is where our true self resides, our higher self –-the one that truly knows what is best for us. Without practice, it’s hard to hear our heart. The chattering monkey mind speaks so loudly, sending us in different directions without an overall purpose. The monkey makes it hard to hear the heart.

That being said, the heart is a sneaky little bastard that will get you every time. I don’t trust it, not one bit.